Co-Regulation Blog

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Don’t Stay Emotionally Flat!

What are the costs of going emotionally flat? I lose my sense of empowerment, engagement, and vitality.  Many of us can get a little flat in our affect and engagement, and cruise onward without noticing. We function ok. Others may not notice. We feel “fine,” and tell ourselves that we are fine.  But, flat is

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Complexity and Co-Regulation 

There are only two things that overwhelm our nervous systems: complexity and intensity. Intensity, being intense, is fairly obvious. Complexity, on the other hand, can sneak up on us. Today I want to talk about complexity. For instance, when I have too many decisions to make or too many people to get back to, it

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More Efficient Meltdowns

                     Life is like an onion, you peel off the layers and sometimes you weep – or rage or collapse! And some things are harder to handle alone than others.  When you are sad and vulnerable and ashamed, it takes an awful lot of energy to

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Embodiment, Co-Regulation and Oppression

I developed Body Up! Co-Regulation as a tool to heal trauma, build safe, sturdy relationships and stop oppression. It was sexism I was fighting at first, but the dynamics of oppression are the same for classism, racism, sexism, ablebodiedism… In my thinking, oppression is always rooted in misuse of power in hierarchical relationships. When we

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The Hero Habit Feeds Oppression

In a dysregulated family, the hero saves the day, which often needs saving. The child who takes on this role usually does it at a young age with realistic desperation and a sense of compulsion. They learn to cope with a lot and look like they are handling it fine. The hero role often persists

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Camera Angles for Co-Regulation

The pictures are exaggerated, but they give the feel. What I most want people to learn is how to have collaborative, peer relationships. So, as a co-regulatory therapist, or group leader, I put my computer camera up high enough that I am not looking down on people. If you want to be the authority, look

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