Have you ever sat with a client, listened to their story, and caught yourself saying, “I know” or “I understand”—when in truth, you couldn’t possibly understand because you have not lived it? Maybe you’ve thought: “I know nothing about that experience.” Or, “I cannot imagine living through that.”  Or even, “Wow, I really don’t get

As a parent of my severely handicapped son, I was constantly in the role of decision-maker and caregiver. I had to help him in nearly every way. And yet, I also had to learn to take in the nourishment he offered me. When I forgot to expect and take in what he offered me, I

Safety is Not an all or nothing experience – There are degrees and varieties of safety.  I have noticed that my reaction to feeling unsafe is primitive, and strong, and fast. If I do not slow down and do an updated reality check, I go into young, automatic behaviors like blame or defensiveness or freezy

Meeting the Demands of Life with Self-Regulation, Solo-Regulation, Solitary Regulation, and Co-Regulation  The other day I was questioned about “solo regulation”. What is solo regulation really? Do we mean “solitary”?  This got me thinking about different flavors of self-regulation.  We all have our favorite “go-to” ways of regulating ourselves. What are yours? Solitary Self-Regulation: Solitary,

So much of what keeps us alive and healthy in our bodies is unconscious and yet essential. Polyvagal theory and Body Up Co-Regulation offer pathways for adjusting our unconscious autonomic functions intentionally, increasing health and resilience.    Threat responses narrow our focus to what the nervous system deems essential for survival, often at the expense of

Good Agreements Build Relationship Stability  Stable co-regulatory relationships expand our bandwidth for facing life. AND: Most of us want long-term romantic partnerships, while actually experiencing romance as a revolving door of short-term partnerships. Master couples therapist and author Stan Tatkin* proposes building good contracts into partnerships for more relational stability. I agree and I know